Michele Fiore’s Bizarre Calendar Out Putins Putin

In case you’re still waiting on your copy of Russian president Vladimir Putin’s sexy propaganda calendar (propagalendar?) here’s the lowdown. He likes puppies:


Even Beethoven, there, is like, “This guy is cray.”

Is not gluten-intolerant:


“Act natural…no…I really meant…okay…whatever.”

But is shirt intolerant:


I feel like these pictures are what happens when old issues of Playboy get shipped overseas. There were also pics of him pant-less in a library.

Now, obviously, Putin is a deluded, cruel, narcissistic, dangerous leader. But putting out a glam calendar of himself is about the least wack-o thing he’s ever done. And, really, is it any different that that calendar you made for Mother’s Day when you were five? I promise you: she didn’t need to see that picture of you exposing the weird bloody gap where your tooth used to be when she’s trying to make Thanksgiving dinner.

And, honestly, Putin is by far the first politician to make the public a gift it never asked for, in calendar form or otherwise.

I will never forget my father–a visual artist–coming home from work one day to tell us he needed to produce baseball cards of our governor with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Who would not be governor of anything, except for maybe Rae Dawn Chong’s nightmares


for at least a decade. Why? Who told this governor to get down with the young people and give them a baseball card with a no-necked robot killer on the front? Let me clarify: a baseball card about with a no-necked robot killer on the front that reminded us to stay in school?


“Thanks for the card, Grandma. I’m having fun already,” deadpans Little Billy.

In fact, right here in the good ol’ USofA we have a lawmaker cranking out a calendar that gives Vlad a run for his money.

Meet Michele Fiore Nevada Assemblywoman. You may know her from her family’s viral Christmas card


Or from her charming work to build international goodwill. “He’s like, ‘The Syrian refugees.’ I’m like, ‘What, are you kidding me? I’m about to fly to Paris and shoot ’em in the head myself.’ I mean, I am not OK with Syrian refugees. I’m not OK with terrorists. I’m OK with putting them down, blacking them out. Just put a piece of brass in their ocular cavity and end their miserable life. I’m good with that.”

But what you may have missed if, like me, you try to avoid knowing this woman exists, is her absolutely awesome and subtle 2016 calendar. Not only does it remind me what day it is, it also tells me all I need to know about Representative Fiore in the flick of a few pages.

Michele Fiore…

…clearly lives on a terribly unsafe ranch.


…just called you lazy.


…is enjoying her shore leave…from the Army?


…killed Colonel Mustard in the library.MicheleFiore4

…and thinks Benjamin Franklin was in Basic Instinct.


I don’t know about you but I think Fiore is going to run Putin out of the Inexplicable Politician’s Calendar game.

Or, yanno, DIE TRYING.